Children In Need again?

It must be that time of the year for Children in Need, because Terry Wogan seems to be ubiquitous on our TV screens again.
In case you're feeling generous and want to hand over a few quid, just remember that the first £10,000 of your generosity goes straight into Wogan's pocket. It was revealed a few years ago that he's been regularly paid for hosting the show, whilst everyone else donates their salaries. I doubt that has changed, now the fuss has died down.
The one thing you can be sure about with charity, is that it doesn't go to those who need it. It usually ends up in some slimy bastard's back pocket.

Banned by the Daily Mail!

So I'm not a Daily Mail reading scumbag anymore. I got banned for posting on their discussion pages.
I was annoyed about the Muslims who were chanting "To Hell with the British" both inside and outside court when one of their number was sentenced for trying to stab an MP to death because he voted for the Iraq war. Nothing has been done about prosecuting these Muslims for contempt of court or incitement to racial hatred. I posted a moderate argument about this on the Daily Mail discussion board, which they saw fit not to post. I mean there must be so many sad bastards posting on the Mail pages that nobody bothers to read half the incoming posts anyway.
So because they ignored my first post, I sent a second post adopting the vitriolic style of the Muslims, and directing it at them. The jobsworth at the Mail must have read that one, and not realising the hypocrisy of their actions, banned my freedom of speech.
So my point has been well made: It is all right for Muslim activists to denigrate this Country and the native British people, and to incite terrorist acts; but it is not all right for a native Britisher to denigrate Muslim activists and suggest they should be dealt with harshly.

SEARCH ME

I was reading the Daily Mail online, yesterday, since it saves you paying 80p for the paper. Presumably it's a brilliant scheme to make money, but I haven't figured out how it works yet.
One of the main talking points was that lots and lots of people are outraged that they may have to submit to a physical search at airports before being allowed to board a plane. They'd rather not have a stranger's hands go anywhere near their private parts, preferring instead to run the risk of being blown out of the sky by a terrorist bomb.
I think there's a very easy solution to this, which will allow people to choose how they want to be treated. There should be two gateways to two separate aircraft. Over the first it would say "No, I do not wish to be searched, and am quite happy to go onto a plane that may be carrying terrorist bombs."
The second would say "Please search me, and make sure you search everyone else going on my plane, particularly those dodgy looking Muslims over there, because I don't wish to be blown up in mid-air.
That way, people who prefer to be safe can take all appropriate measures to stay so. Whereas the others, who find personal searches such a nuisance, can get onto the same plane as the Muslim terrorists and get blown to hell. Which would be fine by me, because they're too stupid to live, anyway.

Wayne Rooney: Triumph over adversity

A true story of triumph over adversity. Mr Potato Head, a poorly educated, wannabee chav of whom prostitutes charge an ugly tax, gets £200,000 a week for kicking a ball around - and not very skilfully at that, according to the World Cup results.
I just hope he shares what's left of his fortune, after deducting, fags, booze and prostitutes, with the bloke who has to tie his bootlaces for him.

But what an inspiring story for other sink-estate kids who are uglier than a bagful of arseholes, as thick as pig-shit and have no hope for the future. If they can just kick a ball about a bit, they could become the next Wayne Rooney.

Alan Johnson Economics genius at work

Shadow Chancellor Alan Johnson, the man who admits he knows nothing about economics has been tearing into the economic plans of  the Conservative/Liberal Alliance, ahead of them being published.
He criticises the Alliance tactic of seeking out the waste of taxpayer money and cutting it. He has a better plan: To raise taxes. Presumably so that even more of our money can be wasted.
Sheer genius.

Unemployment Benefit - it's not for me.

I filled in an on-line application for Jobseeker allowance last week, and today was my interview.
The lady asked me how much Company Pension I received, so I showed her my last statement. She reeled back as if struck by an iron bar. "Oh no", she said, "You receive far too much to be considered for any benefit." And then added: "Didn't anyone tell you before you came?"
Clearly not, or I could have had another hour in bed.
Anyway, I thought I made it quite clear on my application form, where I was coming from. In response to "Why are you claiming benefit?" I wrote: "Because I'm fed up of reading about all these idle, work-shy, good-for-nothing tossers who get huge benefits and have never done a day's work in their lives. And it's time I got some."

Atheist to send son to Catholic School!

Atheist Nick Clegg is to send his son to a top Catholic School, and the newspapers are apoplectic with "shock, horror" condemnation.
Nick Clegg's wife is Portuguese, and a Catholic. So presumably she would want to send her son to a top Catholic School, wouldn't she?